I wrote about this joke years ago, but I think it’s one of the best newspaper/obituary jokes ever.
I’ve heard variations of this, but according to The New York Times, the joke was also a favorite of non-other that President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
One of Roosevelt’s favorite stories was about a commuter in Westchester County, New York (Republican territory) who paid a newspaper boy 25 cents each day to look at the headlines before rushing to catch his train.
One day the boy asked why he didn’t take the entire newspaper, and the man explained that he was only interested in the obituaries.
When the boy said the obits were inside the newspaper, the man replied, “Boy, the son of a bitch I’m interested in will be on page one.”
FYI, the SOB I’m interested in definitely WILL be on Page One!
Found on the Interwebs — a moldy oldy:
- The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
- The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.
- The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to run the country.
- USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t understand The Washington Post.
- The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time.
- The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
- The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country.
- The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country, as long as they do something scandalous.
- The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country, or that a country is a good idea in the first place.
- The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country.
- The Chicago Tribune is read by people who live in the Midwest, which readers of the other newspapers don’t think is part of the country.
Guy walks up to a newsstand every day and buys a newspaper.
Every day he scans the front page and then gives it back.
After years of this, the news stand owner finally asks the guy,
"Why do buy a paper every day and put it back?"
The guy answers, "I’m only interested in the obituaries."
"Obituaries?" The owner says. "The obits are on page 10. You never make it that far!"
To which the guy replies,
"The sonofabitch I’m looking for will be on the front page."